Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Christmas and Yards

What is it about Christmas that inspires people who dont necessarily keep their yards clear of trash, lawn's mowed or entrances cleaned who beautify their yards but still don't do decorations to do what they do?

I love that they do this, Christmas (or the Holiday season,) is a the beginning of a cleansing of the soul, a start to a new year, a shot at making the world a better place for another 365 days!

My yard( and house, well not today,) is so clean, the lights are put up, the windows are sparkling and the world (mine,) has a fresh new look and feel! It makes me feel happy, it makes me feel organized (even if it isn't,) yes, it even makes me love the cold weather that we have right now. I know- if you know me at all that is something to rejoice at!

Here are some pictures representing our decorations inside and out. Yes, inside decor might not be exciting, but it has been documented by me for years and I am not missing this year either. Enjoy!!!

The Bishop's Wife (1947)

The other day I was watching the movie The Bishop's Wife and the end of the movie really touched me and so I really wanted to share the last 3 minutes of this movie with my friends and family.
We all say we celebrate Christmas( whether we believe in a religion or not,) that we know what the season is really about and yes, people are more friendly, more loving, more charitable during the Christmas season, but what about the rest of the year?!
The message that the Bishop gives is so poignant. It reminds us of what we miss or don't miss during our celebration of the season, but do we continually remember the other stocking throughout the rest of the year? Do we share the spirit of the Christmas with other's during the rest of the year?
If not, why not? What is stopping us from truly being Christlike? What is it that stops us from truly loving other's and treating other's as our brother's and sister's? If you don't know the answer, get down on your knees and communicate with him who can help you with the question. Fulfill that answer by "doing" what you are answered, Love truly is an action verb and words do help other's feel that love, but action through our example is even more proof that we are striving to be Christ-like.
If you are one that doesn't believe in the Savior ask yourself this- What is preventing you from just being more loving and kind to fellow human beings that you are in contact with? What is wrong with trusting other's even if they are not in your general circle of life. If we all treated other's the way we want to be, then the world would be a truly better place!

May this Holiday be a time where you "Pay it forward," and help make the world more friendly, but don't forget to carry that out to the rest of next year.
I love you all,

Monday, August 31, 2009

Thought Provoking Video found while looking at friend's blogs

So, I was reading a friend's blog when I noticed how cute her background was. I saw on the left side that the name of the website that does the backgrounds was listed and of course having background envy, I had to check out the website for myself (which by the way Mil, is adorable!,)
First thing to pull up was this video with this heading:

Your Phone Is Not As Important As A Life... Please Watch!!!
Thinking I am going to see a parody or something on how because of cell phone's and technology we have given up really living. Needing a good laugh I decided to watch the video. It is not a Parody, far from it and is something that I felt we should all watch! I know that I have been guilty of doing the same thing that the man (or should I say boy?,) in this video has done!!!
Please, spend 15 minutes watching this video, it will make you rethink what you do!

Watching this video, has changed how I approach my driving. Am, I driving safe? Am, I thinking with all faculties while driving? How will I help my teenagers understand how serious this situation is while they are driving. Because, everyone thinks to themselves- well it won't happen to me. Do we really want to take a chance on that? I was in a serious car accident of no one's fault and yet, I never thought I would be so close to being a Paralyzed or dying even while going through my accident. I think that we all need to sit down and analyze how we would feel having to be in either part of this situation and set our minds to MAKE A CHANGE!
* So, What were your feelings while watching this video?
* When do we decide we are the ones that first need to make a change?

Monday, June 22, 2009

An email entry that really touched my heart and my musings on it!

I have had a really crappy few weeks and this entry from the Clever homemaker website really hit me. I know that I feel alot like things are just not in my control, that I need to act like someone to one person and someone else to another. Once Matt made the comment that I act totally different when I am around my childhood family (could be I am just being myself?) I never realized that I did this, but who knows maybe I do or I don't. I mean I do think sometimes that Matt acts totally different around his brother Keith then he normally does. This is not a smack at Matt because I know we all do this at some point in my life.

But what I have learned in the last few weeks has been about myself. I have learned that what is important in my life is MY family, my values, my ability to choose what is right and wrong and in the process of getting along with other people.

I mean, I am not the type of person who chooses one type of person over another to be friends with. I have noticed that in our new ward, we have clicks, those who others believe you shouldn't be friends with because they have things the others don't. It reminds me of High school and how you were either popular, a jock, a rocker or a preppy. the rest were just no-bodies. I myself hung around with populars, but wasn't popular- I guess you couldve called me a want-a-be! But because of my place in high school i have seen both sides of the coin so to say. I truly believe that I have a little bit of a soft spot for those whose lives are a little harder. BUT, I CHOOSE to get along with everyone! I am not clickish, I am not someone who because of her husband's job only hangs with those who are in that realm of higher power or so some of our ward members believe! I just choose to be me and once again get along with everybody!!! I Wish that life was really like the scriptures in that you should love one another (that means everyone folks!) but that is not how it is. I am stuck in the middle of two groups of people at church, one friend who is very judgemental (and gets her feelings hurt) of those who have and live different than she does and then friends who have and live different because they choose to do things their own way and not always the letter of the law in our Church or look at things different. I like both groups, I think they all have their goodness about them, but the one friend is trying to make it so that I don't want to be around the other groups and that is just not me, so I choose to live as the following entry says and choose to be my own self and be true to myself by being a friend with anyone that needs one!

Anyway, This entry really hit me and I thought I would share it with others.

Do you ever feel like you're just faking it?
You know, walking around in a grown-up body acting like you know what you're doing, when really you have no idea who you are inside.
We all play act. We don a suit, go to work and act like the other people atthe office.
We get married, have kids, buy a house and join the PTA, yet secretly wonderif the other grown-ups feel just as clueless as we do.
We frequently put so much energy into being who we think we should be thatwe forget who we actually are.
It's amazing how much of our identity is tied up in the roles that we play. We often assume that because our job title reads VP of Development, church secretary or head widget maker, that's the net sum of identify.
But talk to anyone who has lost their job, or their savings (or worse) and they'll tell you, you are not your job description. Nor are you your home, your bank account, or even your body.
Like it or not, the angst of our times is forcing us to do some serious soul searching, yet the person we often the most afraid of discovering is ourreal authentic self.
In his newest book, "Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Taken," author Mike Robbins writes, "We live in a culture that is starving for authenticity. Wewant our leaders, our co-workers, our family members, our friends, and everyone else we interact with to tell the truth and to be themselves."
But beyond wanting others to be authentic we also want permission to drop our own masks as well. Robbins ( says, "We want to havethe personal freedom and confidence to say, do and be who we really are,without worrying so much about how we appear to others and what they will think or say about us."
"Sadly, however," he writes, "even though we may say we want to live in away that is true to our deepest passions, beliefs and desire, most of usdon't."
Busted. (And you thought it was just you!)
How many of us can honestly say that we're living a life that is 100 percenttrue to our values? Much less the inner yearnings of our souls?
The sentiment, "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken" was originally penned by famous nineteenth century author and poet Oscar Wilde. But the words resonate in today's environment.
I would never minimize anyone's money woes, or other suffering, but perhapswith some of our outer trappings stripped away, we've been given the opportunity to discover who we are inside. The prospect is both scary andexciting. Robbins says that, "the paradox of authenticity is that we both seek it and fear it at the same time."
What if I reveal who I really am and nobody likes it?
But then again, what if Mike Robbins and Oscar Wilde are right? What if all the other roles are taken? What if there's nobody left to be but yourself?
It's a tough call, you can keep on faking it, which is even harder to ifyou're anxious and broke. Or you can decide that there really is only oneyou, and that you're already good enough, smart enough, and tough enough to handle whatever the Universe sends your way.
So just be you, it's cheaper, it's easier, and you don't even need acostume.
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken!

Monday, May 18, 2009


It is raining outside. Not your normal Florida rain of thunder and lightening, but a light pitter patter with a slight breeze.

This is a Florida rain I remember from the edges of Andrew but without the fierce winds! quiet...

Matt and I are sitting on the tiny front porch on my cream rocker bench at 6:15 in the morning. It smells heavenly outside!! Matt tells me that this rain is the weather's way of trying to adjust itself to the Summer afternoon storms, but since it is not June quit yet, it is still like an infant searching it's way for the right timing. Did I say it smells so good? The smell of rustic dirt, the grass and the jasmine intertwined with the rain is causing a sensor overload, but I love it so it doesn't bother me.
I run inside though because it is starting to get a little more windy and it is getting colder. Matt of course says it is getting cooler but doesn't need the blanket because it feels good to him, to me it is the opposite, I am a fan of the Sun and the HEAT (0kay, not the Miami Heat though, they play crappy. lol)

I may not be loving the Humidity this summer, but I will always look forward to the afternoon, 2 hour pouring, drenching rain. so if this is the Infant- bring on the Toddler, the Preschooler, the Child and the maybe the Teenager, but Leave out the Adult rain- it is too fierce for me!

Have a great day everyone!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The countdown begins...

So, tonight marks the countdown of T-minus 5 to blast off of the Brower family orbit to Graduation planet! What the crap?!!! I seriously remember graduation for me and the wonderful outcome that my graduation present brought to my life.

For graduation my parents gave me a VCR bought at the store I had worked at since I turned 16! Yes, it was my first job. I worked at Fred Meyer on Van Winkle expressway in Salt Lake. The job was good to me but, the purchase of that VCR was even better... This was the first step to a wonderful and fulfilling life with my husband Matt. If it wasn't for that graduation gift, I don't think that I would have been shopping for any movies to watch on that machine and Matt wouldn't have spent 4 hours getting up the nerve to ask me out! Graduation was the end of May, the gift given, the movie searched for the first of June and the first date- right after I turned 18. Without that VCR there would be no Devin and this is originally what this post is about so I guess I digress.

How in the world, can I remember MY graduation like it was yesterday and be faced with Devin's graduation (my little baby boy who cried with devil eyes, and la's so very tiny and sweet...) on Friday? How can this be?
What planet have I really been living on that time can fly so fast, that I face another turn in the universe of this precious boy and watch with eager eyes the choices he will make, the man that he is becoming, the education he will chose to continue with and the beautiful girl he will make part of our family some time in yes, this realm of my life.

I have for a little brief time the opportunity to have him continue in my orbit. He will come to Florida 2 days after we, his loving family, leave Utah and Santa Clara for maybe a very long time and then I don't know what he will chose, when he will start to comandante his own shuttle and blast off to a whole new world of his own. But as long as I have him, I am going to totally enjoy every second I can get.

I now know a little taste of what my parents may have felt to let me blast off and hook my star to another stars orbit and start this whole wonderful journey. It truely is a bitter sweet flight!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Annoying songs- Isn't it amazing what a difference it can make to have someone else sing a song?

I really get bugged when this song comes on the radio. I can't change the channel fast enough before I start rolling my eyes. But Mandy Moore actually makes it beautiful! I mean, she has a beautiful voice is really talented, she sings the lyrics so simply that you actually hear how good they really are! Mandy actually has been around since she was 15. Who can forget her in A WALK TO REMEMBER? Usually her music was sortof Teen-Pop, like on the movie PRINCESS DIARIES, I have heard bits and pieces of her latest music and she is a far cry from where she started. Google her if you like.

Here is Rihanna's Umbrella. I love her voice, the only problem, is you just keep hearing- ella, ella, a,a,aa... You don't really know that the lyrics are quite good because of the darn chorus! Yes, the tune is catchier when it is faster, but there is just something so much more brilliant about the song as sung by Mandy. Well, you decided and let me know what you think...

Friday, March 27, 2009

Utah, Friends and BASEBALL!

I have the dearest husband in the world. When we moved to Ocala, I told Matt that the hardest thing for me was going to be away from Devin (that was huge!) and not being able to watch everyone of his games. This is something that I have not missed since he was 7 years old! I have gone to maybe an inning or two because of Mckenna's dance, but never have I missed more than one game since then!

I love baseball, I am not the most knowledgeable even though I should be since I have a kid who lives, breathes and eats it, but I still can't tell you the detailed reason that a ball is held a certain way, why a certain ball should be thrown when or not etc... I always rely on Matt or Lance Prestwich to tell me these things, BUT for me to see my kid stand on the hill, strike someone out and then see the best thing of all the smile that is hiding under his poker face (because as his mother- i see things that no one else does- it's all in his eyebrows! haha)

So, Matt made sure that I was going to be able to go to Utah and watch Devin play his first Varsity Tourney of the year. As I am typing this Matt is on his way to the 2nd tourney of the year! I am hoping and planning that Matt will call me with updates, that Don Gubler is video taping and that Lance will give me play by play action in an email of all the rest of the games. When the team goes to the State Playoffs we will fly back and watch those as well and be there for Graduation! I am a lucky girl for so many visits!

I love Devin and miss him terribly, I am now finding out what it is like to send your child off on his own and hope that you taught them the right things to help make their life easier! Most parents I know will either be facing this dilemma in June or when their boy turns 19 and they go on their mission, I will be able to hopefully help when they call and want to share a tear. (just like I am now- stupid bawl baby!)

I did get to spend a little bit of time with Lisa and Andrea. That was awesome. I love that my friends are computer illiterate and that they absolutely need me for something because they give me so much and I always feel like I give them so little...
I stayed at Lisa's house, but didn't hang out their very much because she worked every day. We did get to go to lunch though on Heidi's birthday and that was fun! I also had Heidi do my hair with a very interesting tone of purple- yup, Purple!

Andi and I went to lunch, we downloaded ringtones onto her new Blackberry curve and just hung out it was fun.

I also hung out with Devin on his downtime which was not as much as I wanted to have but I will take what I can get. We went shopping for shoes and clothes but ended up only getting shoes! We also had yummy Panda express ! It was fun, but as I have said before I seriously miss that kid! He is the one that talks the most in our house and so he and I keep each other entertained! I really miss that. Mckenna is into her own solitude lately. Matt and Kyler have never been much for talking (they think it is over rated! :O)
So to have that time to talk and find out what is going on in his mind and his plans after graduation was awesome!

Love you Dev!
Posted by Picasa

Monday, February 02, 2009

Passing of a Dear Brother

Yesterday, My big brother Michael Passed Away, from an overdose of his medication.

All my pretween to early twenties, I had had a fear of this very scenario of him dying, to the extent that I had nightmares about it with the Season's In The Sun song playing in my head in the background. I can't listen to that song, ever, without having those terrible feelings the dreams brought up, causing Tears to stream down my face. And today, I feel like listening just to honor why the song makes me cry... because the song talks about having joy, fun, and seasons in the sun, and saying goodbye. As a little girl I never wanted to say goodbye to Mike, he was fun, he was loving and he called me his little Bimm.

One time, I remember, he had this Parakeet we called "Keep," maybe I called it that,I don't know; I just remember that was what it was called. Mike would teach it how to fly outside and come back, and it would until one day after a few weeks, it went outside and didn't come back. I remember we were so sad about that. A neighbor found a bird in the trees that looked just like Keep, but we never got the bird back for one reason or another, they didn't believe that the bird was ours.

Being the little sister, of two brothers, the boys always pulled me into their teasing. or trying to get back at each other. One famous lore is that Gene (my oldest brother,) was sleeping on the couch, and Mike was mad at him; so he decided to get back at Gene by talking me into sitting on the arm of the couch facing Gene's head, and me putting my feet on Gene's head, my hands in his hair and then telling me to push away with my feet and pull with my hands. I only vaguely remember this, but I have been told that Gene woke up and then started going after Mike. My Dad got involved after all the yelling, and Mike tried to blame it one me. Of course my dad being smart to all this, tells off the "real" responsible person of the torture- MIKE! Things like this made Michael so endearing to me.

He was Charismatic- he could get anyone to do anything for him, and he could do anything, and always get away with it the first time, and then totally not learn from what he did, and do it again; taking it to the next level, and get totally busted on it and cause himself problems with all kinds of Authorities.

He was handsome- I loved when he would come to visit when I was in my midteens and my friends that didn't know him would ask if he was my boyfriend. He was, as they would say today- HOT!!! I always thought that David Benoit that played for the Utah Jazz was a black version of Mikey's looks! Weird I know, but true in my mind!

He was smart! Have you ever seen the movie Catch Me If You Can with Leonardo DiCaprio, and Tom Hanks? (if not watch it it is based on a true story,) He was that smart! He could con a con and you would still believe that he was the real thing, like Frank in that movie. I believe, that he had made other choices, he could have been a millionaire, cuz he had a head for great things, and he would have lead people to be great also!

But, I will also say that other things made me sad, mad, and just completely non-understandable about what he did with his life.

He could be so mean and vindictive to my dad and mom, when he was having major problems, and the drugs and alcohol didn't help.That was when I did not know who he was, even though in these times, I was usually the one that could calm him down and get him to stop yelling, and would totally feel bad for the choices he was making, because I loved him so much!

I am a very empathetic person, I try to understand how people are feeling and why they react to things the way they do. So, I always took Mike at his word (as my friends and family would agree- I am a sponge and believe anything.) but don't get me wrong stories that he told 85% of the time I knew just couldn't be true, but always wished they had been! For instance- when he was in the Navy, did he really do secret special stuff? I doubt it, but I secretly wished and wanted to believe that he really was involved in some of the secret, "I could tell you but I'd have to kill you," type of stuff. He was stunning in his Navy Uniform and could stop a crowd.

My sisters didn't know him very well, and that is sad because he loved them so much. All the times that he came to visit, he would spend loving on them. There is proof of that in pictures (and when I can find the scanner plug I will post them.) He thought that they were beautiful, and very accomplished in music and since he didn't feel he was this really impressed him!

So I have to say he was loving also!

But I would say that his greatest accomplishments in life where not things but people- 2 to be direct. He fathered two beautiful blond girls, who unfortunately for me and the rest of my family, we haven't gotten to know. His oldest, Tawnya, as a little girl looked just like him. His baby, Alexis, whom is my Kyler's age has the family humorist in her. They didn't know their dad, and those are choices that he made, but he was very proud of them. He would send pictures of them to me,and of his grandbabies, and tell me all about the first grandbaby Tiercyn! He loved that little girl, and the next two to follow.
I can honestly say that even though he had tons of struggles, he found joy in seeing his family, and talking to them (okay me-as I only know from my experience,) and finding out about what my kids were doing. Kenna was his little sunshine when he lived in Dixie, and we lived not too far away. He spoiled her rotten! The boys he always asked how baseball was going, if they had a girl friend, and teased them if they did (they were you know like 7 and 9,) and they thought he was tons of fun and cool cuz he lived near the Dixie football players!

I am glad that my brother is now peaceful, and that my Grandma Field is giving him the grand tour of Heaven, but I will also miss seeing his name pop-up on my Google talk and then seeing "hey sis- are you there?" I will miss talking to him on the phone once a month (until I moved,) and hearing him tell me how important it was for family to do stuff together, even though we never did. I will miss hearing the smile in his voice, I will miss the sadness in his voice too, when he was sad at times or frustrated with life, and I will definitely miss the fact that my brother is no longer here on this Earth with me, to just know he is around!

And to an extent I will miss the worry that I had for him since I was 8 years old, and felt bad that he didn't get the neat Christmas Presents, like Gene and I did, from our Biological Mother. I WILL JUST MISS HIM!!!!
Goodbye to you my trusted friend
We ve known each other since we Were nine or ten
Together we've climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and abc's
Skinned our hearts and Skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing In the sky
Now that spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I ll be there

We had joy we had fun we had Seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were Just seasons out of time

Goodbye papa please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along

Goodbye papa it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I'll be there

We had joy we had fun we had Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the songs like the Seasons have all gone

Goodbye michelle my little one
You gave me love and helped Me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye michelle it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy we had fun we had Seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were Just seasons out of time

We had joy we had fun we had Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the Seasons have all gone