Translate

Friday, August 30, 2013

Fraternizing Fridays: Ode to The Quik



Crystal clear vessel.
Smooth white falls
filling it within an inch of the edge.

A scoop of rich, chocolaty
silt spun into the smooth
white, turns earth brown.


A grip, a lift, a sip

a set down.

Silt scoop deux. 
Never enough,
It must be mud thick.


A grip, a lift, a sip
Gone.


A few of my favorite Nestle Quik commercials.




Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Fraternizing Friday: Back Packs


 Two Little Boys, A little girl. standing in front of a house. Each started out with Snuggled Shoulders. A bag that hung on their back with the fun supplies of 16 Crayons, 2 fat pencils, a bright-colored note paper and Pencil cases. Those "backpacks" were like their security blankets. Two even carried beloved stuffed animals in case Billy Bear or Lambie was needed during Nap Time.

Each Nervous, excited, anticipating what they will face when they first cross the threshold of a red brick building. How many times have we been emotionally standing on the edge of a cliff, watching our children walk through the door to their first day of school?



I remember well, Devin going off to preschool at Trinity Lutheran in N. Fort Myers, Florida. I was so devastated to have him be old enough to have someone else be his teacher. I, who had taught him how to read, to write his ABC's, who had helped him figure out that he had 10 fingers and 10 toes and that adding those together was a total of 20.  He knew where Construction trucks worked and what they did. He knew the noises to all farm animals and even the giraffe all because he and I devoured books and tapes like starving baby birds. And their I was watching him walk in, shake the hand of a woman (sweet and wonderful as she was,) that was going to gather a little bit of his heart. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew that he would only be gone a few hours 3 days a week but it was enough to make me miss him as if he was gone forever...


 Then, I did it again when he went to Kindergarten and the next year. That 3rd year when Devin went to 3rd grade, I watched him get on the Magic School Bus, (as Kyler called it), and a few hours later I drove Kyler back over to Thomas Crossroads Elementary in Sharpsburg, Georgia and walked my little tow-head blonde baby boy into what I perceived to be the darkest room in the school.

It was different than Devin's Kindergarten (he went to the FSU School [K-12, a progressive school] where he participated in the 1st grade classes and not his true class of Kindergarten).  Devin's classroom was bright happy and friendly. 
I should have known when I walked Kyler into that room that this class might not be for my little guy. It was darker than the rest of the school. It was like the teacher was trying to create a mood but for a 5/6 year old, it was the mood of depression. The bulletin boards weren't bright and happy, just brown. Maybe she wasn't prepared for the first day? I am not sure. It was just the opposite of anything I had ever encountered for a young child's classroom. 
First day after school, he was okay. Second day, quiet. Third day he came home even quieter.Mind you this was an all day program, so I just thought that he was tired from so much activity. The fourth day, then the last day of the week. Same outcome. The weekend came. Monday morning, I explained to him that new experiences were always something you had to get used to. I told him that he had to try going again and it would get better. He and Devin came home on the Magic School bus and Kyler wasn't excited about his very first bus ride. He had been craving that ride for 2 years as he watched Devin get on it every morning and we sang, "He's on the Magic School Bus... beep beep."

I had always had a way of getting the boy's day activities out of them even when they didn't want to talk. I always asked them, since they did nothing, they must have been twiddling their fingers... did the teacher really let them just twiddle their fingers. They would say yes, I would say, really, Mrs. Jones just let you sit there and twiddle your fingers all day long?  Then, all of a sudden the day's fun and challenges would come out. This was me and the boy's bit.

On this day though, Kyler wouldn't give into the 'twiddle your finger" bit. He started crying and then I noticed scratch marks down the side of his face. Deep, dried blood, scratch marks. He refused to go back to school. What?!  A week and a day of school and my beautiful baby boy already hated school?  My heart broke. I had to get to the bottom of the problem. Into the classroom I went to talk to his Kindergarten teacher. She said nothing was going on and went on to tell me that the scratches must have happened after school was over. Kyler, wouldn't say a word of how he got scratched. A week went by, he still cried every day before I would walk him into the classroom. I went to talk to the principal. He made an appointment with the teacher and I. The teacher still wasn't any help. Then a meeting with Kyler, I and the teacher produced more frustration because shy Kyler wouldn't talk. Finally, with the Prinicpal, Kyler and I we got him to talk. 
A girl that napped next to him every afternoon would grab his face and start talking really mean to him. She would tell him that if he told someone she would beat him up. My sweet, kind, loyal little boy was being bullied by a girl and he knew that I had always taught him he couldn't beat up or hurt a girl. That was the worst first week of Kindergarten I had ever heard of. 
Lucky for Kyler, we moved to Utah in January and he finished kindergarten with the sweetest teacher ever Mrs. Meserve. 



As years repeated, we watched Devin ride his bike off to 6th grade. Then Kyler, Mckenna and I headed off to Santa Clara Elementary where we dropped Kyler off for 3rd grade. Later in the afternoon, I took my sweet little angel girl back to the school so she could do the first day of crossing over the threshold to a sweet teacher named Mrs. Davis. She was amazing!!! 

I didn't miss Mckenna as much as the other two because I worked at the school and I was able to wave at her during recess time where I filled in as a recess- monitor. Those were happy days for all of us. Devin, was becoming independent, playing baseball and soccer. Kyler was in the thick of a great group of kids who played baseball, soccer and flag football together. Mckenna met her best friends in Kindergarten; one a curly-haired little girl whom we met at the city park and the other a dark-haired princess whom she became sisters with at an eternally long play-date. With these two girls came their mothers whom I adored. 

Now, I have only one of those sweet babies in the public school system. She is going to be taking SAT's, ACT's and Math way beyond her mother and father's help. Mckenna is smart, articulate, talented and way to old for her young "almost" 17 years. The students that go to school and goof off are maddening to her. She thrives in JROTC because of it's higher standard of thinking. She loves the structure, she loves the other cadets and with it comes responsibility; where I anticipate she is going to have to learn to "tolerate" other peoples immature foibles.This will strengthen her great leadership skills.

My little baby boy is off to college. Rooming with his best buddy, cousin Tyler. I am thrilled to get calls from Kyler where he tells me about his experiences of school, work and fun. He has moved 3 times in his one Apartment building in a matter of weeks but only because he is easy going and Sheila, his landlord, knew he could handle the crazy moving. Great things are ahead for Kyler and I can't wait to see them!

My first- Devin, has the biggest changes of all. Married to sweet Aliza, a new job where he is learning and building his Leadership skills where he will eventually manage one of those magic stores that we all love associated with the bold red dot, Target, or in our classy minds Tarjae.  Who knows what is on he and Aliza's new journey, but it will be glorious to watch.



Kindergarten is that first step into a lifelong path of learning about yourself.  But, Kindergarten for me was where I had to learn to watch my beautiful children walk away, backpacks bouncing on their little backs as they happily, anxiously, or dreamily walked into a new world. 




















Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Sweating To Classic Rock

Aerosmith. A Pandora channel that kept me on the treadmill at a good elevation for 30 minutes this morning. At the YMCA they have a program called Coach Approach. This program signs you up with an Exercise Coach and then she acts as your personal coming to God. In that I mean, she is the one that you answer to every two weeks to your exercise and eating choices. I guess you could say she is your personal Jimminy Cricket. She keeps it real but doesn't scream at you while your working out like the Personal Trainers will do.  

I need to lose weight. I need to lose a lot of weight (well, a lot for me.)


This is what I look like today.


The above two pictures are what I plan on looking like again but with a lot more muscle strength.

So, the Mantra for the upcoming week is: I am not the Hare. I am the Tortoise all the way; slow and steady, then watch it, at the finish line I will win every time! 

I set a few goals for the next 6 months. Some of these goals will be completed in the next few months but over all my coach, Claudia will see me those complete 6 months.

Physical Goals

  • Run the Turkey Trot 5k, not crawl like last year.  Running is not a strong point of mine. The last time I ran a good distance was while we were living in Utah. I would run most of the Santa Clara trail and also the Arboretum Trail.
  • Build up my Core Strength through various Group Classes and Water fitness.
  • Build overall muscle strength   
  • Lose 30 pounds
  • First 2 weeks Food Log, just to make sure that I have my serving sizes and healthy eating plan locked in my brain.

Doing all this, I know the poundage will come off. The goal weight is not all I want to lose, but it is a do able goal weight which won't make me feel overwhelmed with  my pathway.  

Eventually, I want to complete the following goals: Running every evening with Matt. Kayaking on Saturday mornings (this will workout my arms, core and provide peace through the beauty of God's gifts to us of nature and companionship. Matt and I have talked about other 5K races. I know I won't be able to run the Color Run this year, but I can power walk it by October. 

I believe that if I put it in writing and post it in public that I will have more control over what I do with these goals. I also know that there will be people out there helping me be accountable and that my friends, is the key to my success!  




Monday, August 19, 2013

Week # 2 of 22: My Greatest Comforts

Matt
Devin
Kyler
Mckenna
Aliza
My Parents
My sisters
My brother
My aunt Mary
Attending Sacrament Meeting
Sunshine
Our bed
My Sanctuary Fluff (our duvet)
Yellow Pad Man (the Yellow Paper notepads. I can't tell you how many times I have had middle of the night inspiration and Yellow Pad Man catches everything until the morning. Best YW activities, poems, blogs. You name it, it's been caught by Yellow Pad Man.
Pencils
Music (not rap... espeically, Classical and Accoustic Guitar: Singer/Songwriter is the best.)
Singing
Making up songs
Nestle's Chocolate Milk
Breaded Chicken Cutlets
My mom's homemade Pizza
Pizza Factory Breadsticks
My office
Bursts of Color
Autumn
Spring
Fireplaces
Mugs filled with Hot cocoa
Floral throws
Bare feet
Smiles
Hugs
Chatting with family and friends
Typing on a computer or typewriter. There is something about the clicking sound. (Oh, speaking of that...)
Cleats on sidewalk.
Wooden Bat connecting with a leather baseball
Children's laughter
Warmth
Smell of Fresh Grass
Smell of Warmth (sunshine)
Smell of Christmas Trees
Hand holding
Touching
LOVE
Unity
Compassion
Helping others
Compromise
Tolerance
Photographs (Memories)
Reading Books
Playing Board Games
Playing my Piano
playing my Guitar
Other's sharing their talents

Friday, August 16, 2013

Fraternizing Friday: The Cost of Milk



Remember when you first became an adult and you were so excited because you only had to eat and drink the things that you loved and not what your parents served? Yeah, I was super excited for that. I mean I really didn't have a lot that I had to eat that I didn't like but you know- it's all about the freedom of your adult choices.

Remember how it felt to buy that first gallon of milk and thinking it was probably the most expensive milk you would ever buy?

I do. I thought I was going to die when I bought my first groceries. My mom had taught me that you did big shopped 1 time a month and that you filled in when you ran out or it was on sale. I have to tell you. We NEVER ran out of things at my house growing up. Well, until Matt rolled into our lives. Then we ran out of cookies, milk and whatever else was in the treat jar in the kitchen. I didn't find out though until I was married the reality of keeping a kitchen, an extra snack pantry, a garage fridge and freezer (and food storage) stocked up with brand name food.  That first bill was a doozie!  Milk in 1989 was a whopping $2.34!

When we had the boys we had our milk delivered by Winder Dairy. It was so nice. Never running out of milk, cheese, eggs and bread. We felt as if we were the wealthiest people in the world with this one luxury. I bet you are thinking, "but, Sandi, that is an expensive service. Why would you use it?" It really did save us money. Don't you run out to the grocery store for a few items and usually get more than intended? Well, with Winder we received what we needed and didn't spend extra for those impulsive purchase. Hence, the savings.

(FYI: Monday, when I went shopping it was at $3.75! Not too bad I guess after 24 years, but still we go through a lot of milk in our house. You would think it was water!)

Not everything that I bought was a smart idea though. When I was 18, I passed my first driver's test (that story will have to be another post...). I needed a super cool car, something that showed the lifestyle that I wanted to live- like the models of Ralph Lauren or the Kennedy's. I wanted to live in Newport Beach, California. My husband would work and make tons of money and our little ones would be beach babies. (I digress, I think I've already talked about that once before. Sorry.)  So, my sweet boyfriend co-signed for me and I bought this for $8,000...


Yup, we were super cool.  Then, on my 19th birthday. Matt's brother painted my car a Dr. Pepper 24 flavored cherry red (my favorite drink at the time, and the color of Karl Malone's car,) this paint was special though, it was sparkly with this special finish. It looked black in some lights, burgundy in others and shown like a diamond in the sun.  I loved it!  One of the most unique presents that Matt has ever given me. 


The car looked cool but it was a money pit: the first week I owned it the accelerate cable busted while I was driving down 13th east in Salt Lake near Ft. Union. 

Lets turn our gaze to 1989 again. On a convertible the top is made with a frame shell surrounded by fabric and the back window is a hard plastic. In the winter, a normal car's windows freeze over and then you have to scrap and/or defrost it. A convertible is different. The plastic window scratches when a snow scrapper is used. The window will crack if you pore water on it so you try to protect it from freezing by putting a towel on the window. One day, the towel didn't work and the plastic window froze. Matt taped the window and busted the window by the force of his fist. A wonderful Fist hole was produced.  Try living in a winter wonderland and having a hole in your back window. Yes, it's ridiculously cold. So, when I drove it to work, you would freeze the whole way because the heater never heated up enough during a 15 minute drive when the car is a miserable 20 degrees or less. We replaced the top because we found out we were having a dear little baby. The cost astronomical!

In 1991 that car passed away from exhaustion. It expired on a hill at 5 o'clock in the morning while I was driving to work at the coldest part of the year. The engine block froze around 29th East. Just like the car, my fellow co-worker (who had caught a ride with me), and I froze as we walked the rest of the way up 3300 south to Fred Meyer in our really cute shoes not made to be in the snow and ice. When all was said and done my beautiful "old" convertible ended up costing me about $13,000 dollars out of pocket.

What with the top, a new accelerator cable, a new radiator, fuel pan and everything else we had fixed it should have been like brand new. Right? Obviously not. As Matt's dad Fred, would say, "Such a beautiful, fun car, When it runs," all the while grinning his goofy grin. (man, I miss him.)  
We ended up giving the car to Fred because he did so much trade work just to keep my car running. I think he sold it for scraps. Poor car.

I guess Milk wasn't so expensive after all...



* What was your "price shock" when you became an adult?


 

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

My Children








These Pictures epitomize my kids personalities. 
Even down to the one that isn't my birth child.
 Aliza, like Kyler is a little bit of a pixie. 
It's always the innocent faces that have the most mirth in them. 
Devin and Mckenna- well, they are more quiet, and reserved like their father.
 Devin though is a lot like me where he has a bit of a flighty, goofy side.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Library Time and a Killer Deal on Books in the Marion County Library Book Market

I haven't been to the library for over 6 months. Isn't that crazy?  I guess, part of it has been because I was doing reading for school. The other reason would be that I have a million books on my IPad and have been completely obsessed with reading the fan fiction spin off of Harry Potter. Yet, I missed the feel of paper between my fingers and the smell of books located in an old building only a library or a second hand book store could provide.  I watched this short of Johnny Carson interviewing George Burns on his "almost" 100 years of living and I was intrigued to find out more about Mr. Burns. I remember watching episodes of Burns and Allen and also Oh, God and thinking how cute this naughty, funny man was. So, I grabbed a Biography of his that he wrote about his time in Hollywood and those people he acted and was friends with.  It will be fun to read the gossip on his acting friends.


I also wanted to read The Casual Vacancy by J.K.Rowland but had heard that it wasn't so good and I didn't want to ruin my opinion on the genius that Ms. Rowland is.  Even as I was checking out the book at the front counter the Librarian told me not to read it because it just wasn't good. I decided that just like I don't like to be dissuaded by someone's opinion on other people before I meet them. I wanted to read the book and decide for myself. I am also looking forward to Ms. Rowland's Mystery Cuckoo's Calling which she wrote under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith. 
The other books are just choices that I had on my Goodread's list instead of the books I really went to go get. This all because our library doesn't carry the books I really wanted to read.


What an eclectic mix of Library book.
Have you read any of them?

New books to read and place in my bookshelf 
until I sell them to the second hand book store.

Except for the hard covered book ($4),
all the other books were a dollar. Score!
 

Week 1 of 22 Lists


  • Sincerity
·        Truth (not fact)
  • Imagination
  • Friends
  • Happiness
  • Together
  • Piano
  • Sunsets
  • Laughter
  • Fresh Grass
  • Soulful Eyes
  • Puppies
  • Gratitude
  • Forever
  • Sun showers
  • Hugs
  • Forehead Kisses
  • Suffering
  • Starving
  • Baseball Cleats
  • Pencils
  • Words
  • Red
  • Tears
  • Children
  • Smiles
  • Guitar

*So, I ran out of time. I had more heartfelt words but my program didn't save right and I wanted to make sure this was placed on Monday. Yes, that didn't happen either as I couldn't figure out how to place a table on a post. This will get better with time.
  • Art




Monday, August 12, 2013

Twenty Two Weeks of the 52 Lists



I love making up lists and sticking post-it-notes all over the house for those lists. This makes for an obnoxious look to my decor so I stopped doing lists and my life is not as functional as it used to be.  The other day I found this really fun site MOOREASEAL I think that I am going to follow Moorea's 52 Lists idea. Darling Moorea has started a successful Accessory business and still wants to live a life so there are only 22 lists ideas available. Lucky for  me, there are only 22 weeks left in the year so it works out perfect. Each week I will be doing this on Monday.  It's like another Journal entry but with a list of words. How awesome is that?  So, I will have Moorea's Logo and her question as the heading and then the list for me to read. I hope it helps me stir some creative juices for writing my poetry.

Anyone want to join along?

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Fraternizing Fridays



After Introducing my "5 Teachers", I decided that I want to do a series of entries to introduce my readers to what makes me tick. I've already done a few entries such as my "16 year old self" entry.
(If you are family you might even learn a few things that you didn't know.)

So, I think we will have a "Getting To Know You" series. I think that I will publish these entries on Friday's as I did the "5 Teachers."  We can call it 'Fraternizing Fridays'. Then we can get to become better friends.

If you really want to know something about me that isn't Lewd or Malicious go a head and ask in the comments and I will consider it as entry. It might be even more amazing for everyone to do their own 'Fraternizing Fridays' so I can get to know you better also. Just go ahead and leave a link if you want to join the fun.

Friday, August 09, 2013

5 Teachers That Have Influenced My Life Thus Far



Two months into the 44th year of my life. At this time it feels appropriate to look back and see how I have earned some of my character. Today, I think it should be the teachers that have affected my desire to learn and my love of knowledge.

My very first teacher that has influenced me would have to be my mom. She has taught me the important things I need in my life: Love, acceptance, childcare, dishes, taking out the trash, affection and most importantly how to play. She inspired me to use my imagination by reading to my hearts delight. Dreaming of living in the Secret Garden; sitting side by side with Francie watching from a fire escape while a tree grew in the cracks of concrete in a town located in a borough in NY.
I learned To play with the Little People houses that we had a bajillion of so that I would know how to socialize and communicate with many people.  I learned how to color with any colors that I wanted, not just the normal blue for the sky, blonde for hair etc...so that I could see the world in technicolor and not just what other people told me to believe should be correct.
We ran up hills pretending we were in the Chariots of Fire race singing the theme from that movie and then would either slow motion run down or tumble head over heels as fast as we could as if we were hedgehogs. Kingdoms were built out of sand and then a flood would come and destroy them finding a hidden treasure. Summers consisted of daytime kids movies and then rerunning them in our mind. Candy such as Lik-a-stix and Ring Pops were eaten at Scera pool. We had barbies, Strawberry Shortcake and her friends, and also Rainbow Brite and her Sprites. We swung in swings pretending to be airplanes or trying to kick up to the stars so we could talk to the man on the moon. We read about Santa, then watched for his sleigh on Christmas Eve; ever searching for the bright light of Rudolph's nose. These are the things that I have been able to pass on to my children and will pass on to my grandchildren.
In hindsight I see that my mom wasn't just playing with me and my sisters but she was teaching us lessons we needed in life to be moral, responsible adults.

My second teacher that influenced me was my 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Alldredge. She showed me that you can learn and have fun at the same time. She sat with me when I struggled to sit still and do my in-class work. She let us sing while we were working and didn't laugh if we made up the words. In her eyes we were professional opera singers. I guess she taught me to accept myself and built on  my desire to learn and grow with culture in my life. She was like Ms. Honey from Matilda. She truly loved to teach. As far as I can remember I don't think that I have ever told her that. Sad.

My third teacher Mr. Stewart was my sixth grade teacher who taught at Spencer Elementary in Orem. I went to that school for only one year but that by far is my most favorite learning establishment of all.  My mom was our room mother. We had a dance where our teacher got to dance with all of us. He taught us line dancing, and folk dancing.  Interesting enough, the physical building reminds me of the school in Matilda where we had a separate lunch place. The food was shipped in, we did not have a cafeteria we all ate outside.
Mr. Stewart was cool!  He was up on the music of the day. He let us bring in and listen to the music that we loved and as long as it was clean it was played. I brought in the Oak Ridge Boys and Billy Joel's Glass Houses. Now, as a mother of teenagers I don't think that I would have allowed my 12 year olds to listen to some of the songs on the Glass Houses album but in the late 70's his music was meek compared to let's say The Rolling Stones. We read in a group not like in "centers" but as in the whole class sitting on the floor snuggled up on cushions, and all the while listening to "calm classical piano".

Mr. Stewart owned a restaurant called Hamburger Heaven in Orem and served popcorn in hot dog trays which you could snack on waiting for your order which was cooked fresh with each meal. There was a jukebox and it looked just like an old 50's diner. Now, this might be the norm now, but in the 70's it wasn't. No one served popcorn, peanuts maybe but not popcorn.  Restaurants was coming up with new ideas and new buildings not looking to go retro like we do now. So, his coolness showed in his after school business too.  Mr.Stewart taught me that you could teach and accept what your students interests were without them feeling like they were children. He taught me that if you have a dream (like his restaurant,) you should go after it until it comes to fruition.

My fourth teacher was Mr. Frohm, his influence was not for the good. He taught me the things that you should not do. Some of my HS friends might disagree with me but I had a rotten experience with him and this is how I grew and learned when I got older about how to treat a teenager. He was too involved with pranks, he looked the other way when it came to bullying and he thought it was all in fun when someone was locked in a cello cabinet all lunch time. He made me feel as if I was worthless at a time when I was struggling to find my identity. He made me feel untalented and worst of all ugly. He let my band mates tease me without ever saying a word. Its a stuggle enough to be a sixteen year old just from dealing with the hormonal changes, emotional abuse that other kids can dish out without having to have a teacher who encouraged it.

From him I learned to do the opposite. I learned that teenagers are important. Their interests, there dreams, there self worth is everything that needs to be built up instead of tearing down when they are between the ages of 13 and 18. They should be taught to shine though your adult words. They should be listened to, and not judge. As adults we are to counsel when asked after encouraging them to talk to their parents, and most importantly help them to feel like as if they can live in an adult world and know how to deal with adult problems.


The Fifth teacher to influence me was a college professor. Dr. Robison. She encouraged me to continue on my quest to teach english. This she did by allowing me to lead discussions, help take the role while studying for exams and just her support of the idea that this is what I really wanted to do with my life.

She encouraged me to use my words to express myself though new forms of writing. I had never written poetry before and she taught me the beauty of it's form and dignity. Poetry has been a venue that I have been able to express myself when I feel as if there is no other way to risk what is held deep down inside. This is something that I can hold dear for the rest of my life (okay, as long as I have the capabilities of writing or thinking...).

Literature as some of you know has been in my life for as long as I can remember. It is my escape from reality, it is the main form of  my vocabulary building repertoire. It is a part of me like my heart, my hands and my feet. Dr. Robison taught me that short stories, and novels can not only be things of enjoyment but words of wisdom to teach us about how we should live our lives and to chew on all words that are discussed with others. We can learn from others from their words, their thoughts and then weigh out what is said and incorporate those things that live within your values and morals but also, to not judge others if their views are different than yours as wrong. We are all entitled to our personal views.  I guess you could say that she taught me that our world is an everlasting fountain of knowledge and like a coal miner we need to dig deep to produce the diamond that we call our lives.

It find it productive to look back and learn from what we have experienced in our lives so that we can continue to grow. Today, this has been a good reminder of what I have accomplished. Also, it reminds me that moving forward does require looking back and learning from our mistakes so that we can continue on and grow.

Thursday, August 08, 2013

Parenthood

Not Parenthood as in something that I have been doing for the past 23 years, but the television show.

Each actor that contributes to the show is amazing in who they portray. For instance I really enjoy watching Lauren graham act. She is one of my favorite modern actresses. For some reason though, this is not her best role to me. I don't know if Gilmore Girls ruined it for me or the fact that Sarah, her character, is kind of pathetically weak and doesn't show her best acting skills. Maybe her acting skills are sub par but I have never noticed. I mean before she was the main star, now she is part of many many story lines.
But honestly, it could be because Max Buckholder is such an amazing young actor who portrays a preteen who has Aspergers that she is over shadowed... I choose to believe this is my block.

The story line that I am following right now is of Kristina dealing with Breast Cancer. The only other network show that I have seen that has addressed this in such a realistic light is Desperate Housewives when Lynette is diagnosed and how she and her loved ones deal with it. As realistic as that was, Parenthood has covered so much more of the emotions of the kids, the families and friends who are trying to support Kristina. I think this might be because they dig deeper by covering the steps of the affects of the Chemo has on her body more so than DHW did.

The episode I am watching is during Christmas and Kristina is fighting for her life after getting an infection. You see the highs of the kids and the rest of the family enjoying opening presents and the love they have for each other; than you have the complete opposite where she and Adam are in the hospital dealing with the devastation of the affects Cancer can have on the immune system. It's very Poignant.
Kristina makes a video to say goodbye to her family if she doesn't make it through her cancer. I can relate to this. When we lived in Georgia our Stake President did something similar through letters and presents for each special occasion that his girls would go through. I can't imagine going through something like that. I have watched what cancer can do to a loved one and how it affects their family, but it is not a personal in home experience and I pray that I never have to experience it.

This story line has really affected me today even though I have watched more episodes in the last few days.

What I have learned is that we need to count our blessings, thank Heavenly Father for them and really make an effort to love all those we come in contact with so that we can be a blessing to them even if it is smiling at someone in the library line and not be afraid to touch, love and listen to those who are dealing with so much trauma.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Floundering


For twenty-three years I have been a mom and a wife. Now at 44 years old, I am a mom, a mother-in-law and a wife but what else am I?

I feel as if with the kids gone (and Kenna out and about), that I am paddling in circles not knowing what to do with myself.  Where did my personal goals in life that I had as a young adult go? I feel as if as the poster above states, "my heart and soul" has been ripped out with the knowledge of my role of motherhood coming to an end.

So, where are the rest of my dreams? Are they buried because they are not appropriate anymore or is it just because I have lost the desire to dredge them up and grab them by the paddle and row with all my might to grow them? I know that when I graduated I didn't want to go to college and I think that was because I had had such a hard time going through High School, I just couldn't wrap my brain around dealing with teachers for a while. It was just fine to put Matt through school, but I did know I wanted to go, eventually.

Now, I have time. Now, I am floundering. Call it depression of almost having an empty nest. Ultimately though, I think that the temporary high of being on vacation all summer has finally caught up to me and the realities are not as rosy as I thought they would be.

I don't want to work because without a degree I would have to work some sort of retail and I can't do that again. No degree = No mid-level job. What do I do without a degree at my age? I would love to be a copy editor at a paper or magazine. I would love to teach if it was a parent/teacher supported school or maybe do secretarial work but all of those require a degree.  I need to get back to school...

There is a saying that if you can't complete yourself, you have no right placing that job on someone else. How do I have a happy relationship with Matt  if I am constantly expecting him to make me feel as if I am "enough". What is it going to take to make ME realize the fact that I am "enough"? I have no idea. This is what I have been trying to figure out for the last few weeks.  Does anyone else feel like this besides me?

I guess I need to do some more soul searching.





Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Scripture Study


"The Written Word of God- the scriptures-is one of the greatest blessings the Lord has given us.  Until we recognize that fact, I am afraid we will hold them lightly. Conversely, if we recognize their supreme importance in our lives- even standing in awe of these precious gifts- we then will treat them with more respect and great attention. And, in turn, we will receive much greater benefits from them."
            ~Gene R. Cook~





Question of the day: How much are YOU willing to sacrifice to give the scriptures a prominent place in your life?

We talked about this in Sunday school and Relief Society this past Sunday and I have been chewing on it ever since. I honestly have to say that the only time I read my scriptures is when I am preparing a lesson and that is 2x a month. That really isn't a great track record. It seems as though I read more when I was busier and now that I am not busy I am being drowned in the quagmire of nothingness and unimportant things such as t.v., Facebook and games on my Ipad. What have I done that really matters as of late?

How can my spirituality grow if I don't feed it? How do I know the meaning for my life, if I don't learn of what Heavenly Father has in store for me and the foundation of that blue print?

Am I willing to give a few hours or even 30 minutes each day to better myself through the core values and to understanding what the Lord taught so long ago? Am I willing to give a few hours to reading Conference talks and find out what the Prophet has to say so that I can follow the words of the Lord through His chosen mouthpiece? I mean, I spend time practicing the piano, the guitar, reading good books and working on art~ all good things and yet they are not the guiding forces of eternal matters.

My Patriarchal Blessing says that I "might be able to store away for future use the beautiful pearls of wisdom and truth found in the scriptures and recall them as needed and desired to buoy you up and to support your thinking."  How can I do this if I don't read? You can't memorize something you know nothing about.  Also, How do I learn about the higher, finer, loftier things in life if I don't search the scripture for the messages that are placed there for me? Yeah, this is what I need to work on.

I opened my personal scripture journal and the last entry that it held was from June 2012. That is over a year ago!  Where was I reading at in the Book of Mormon? 10 chapters before the place I marked off to read to today. Yeah, How many times do you start from the beginning and end up reading the same place over and over again. If I don't have 1st Nephi memorized by now, I should be ashamed of myself (please don't try to question me on that though because I am sure I will draw a blank, except for where "I, Nephi  being born of goodly parents", and his father "dwelt in a tent").

So, one of my personal goals is set a time each morning or quiet afternoon where I spend a few hours reading the Book of Mormon and spending sometime studying and expanding my knowledge of the Gospel. So, if you want to talk to me between the hours of 1 and 2:30 p.m. each day you will have to leave me a message on my voice mail because I will be studying in the solitude of my gorgeous office on the day bed.