I sat outside today in my Crimson and Gold FSU chair aiming to read a book, Juliet by Anne Fortier. The air was warm, there was an aggressive breeze teasing my hair and construction going on down the street.
Instead of reading, I decided that I needed to write first. I went into the house grabbed a hard covered blue denim notebook, a florally pink and white pencil and my Room to Write book. The page I flipped to asked me to pick one word that has multiple meanings from the 5 suggested words. I picked Lie. The instructions said that I just had to write the word and then keep writing as my mind wandered through its course until the end of the page. I used a fat pencil; not a good idea, my hand was cramping halfway through the practice. As I wrote I some how came up with this...
Remember this is spewing and not being afraid to just let thoughts flow...
Lie down next to each other. Look into each other's eyes as you are lying down. Speak of a fact that you have that never told the person lying next to you. Now have that person repeat what you told them. Listen to what they say = did they hear correctly? Did it sound like truth to you or did you tell them a lie and you can tell yourself that you lied and acknowledge that lie to your partner...?
Can you tell them the truth? If not get up, you don't deserve to be lying next to them. That is too intimate a position to be in.
Stand, face that person and ask them to tell you truth. When they do watch heir body language - are they looking at your? Are they folding their arms tight around their body or are they standing arms loose, hands rested and seem at ease with themselves>
What does their body say to you besides their words? Do you believe their truth or are they lying to you also?
Now repeat to them what you heard say. Do they respond shocked o agree with your assessment? if they agree then lie down next to each other again. Hold hands, connect legs then tell another fact to them. Look them in the eye- how do you feel? Do you feel yourself risking with the individual wrapped around you? If not stand up again0 hold hands and don't look away. Repeat your truth, repeat it over and over again. Does it sound convincing to you? If not how can your partner feel enough to trust you?
If you don't agree- try again until you feel strong enough to risk it all it if you can't you need to leave the room and walk away. You are not intimately trusting enough to have this relationship.
* Geez, was I pulling an inner Psychologist's spirit as I was writing? Weird, right?